I think this is for the best... This isn't the first blog I've ever done, but i have this problem with keeping it up. Sorry to anyone who is or will be following this (not assuming that anyone is reading this). Irregular blogging is such a bad habit.

Lately I've been a bit of an insomniac. Considering that I'm in the middle of a swim season with a shoulder injury and school and 3 hour practices and these kinds of things this is unfortunate. 1 a.m computer time has become frequent but i think I'm going to have to stop because i hear that being on the computer winds you up. I thought I might try counting sheep, or waterfall tapes, maybe even do some kind of relaxation technique, but I have a feeling these thing won't work because deep down I know what I need to do.

Praying and personal bible study have become a bit of a myth to me in the past few weeks. I'm not going to make excuses for myself. Honestly I just don't want to. You'd think being up in the middle of the night anyway would give me the opportunity to do these things. Encourage me. Bring me closer to God. I get the feeling I failed a test. I've been given an opportunity and I just don't take it. Because I'm lazy.

Maybe If I read my bible regularly and prayed continually like I know I should it would be easier for me to sleep at night, and I wouldn't be weighed down by this guilt. Today I got back from a teen retreat. I saw some people I thought I would never see again and it was just so amazing and it moved me to want to climb up on the highest building and tell everyone about Jesus and how amazing he is and how much I love him and how much He loves everyone.

We talked about clothing ourselves in Christ and what that really means. Basically it means act in love(with compassion, gentleness, patience, humility, and kindness). Truthfully those were some of the best bible studies I've ever had. It's something that's really going to stick with me and I hope that I can share some of these things with other people. It really made me think, reevaluate myself and my actions. When DID God go out of style?

I used to be so sure about what I want to do and who I want to be. Swimming in the Olympics has been a huge part of my life for so long. This is the year I make nationals, I'm going to make high school state every year, this is what I need to focus on. But I know that just isn't going to happen. I injured myself and after this high school season I'm out for a whole USA season. There's no way I can even make the trials in 2011 with my shoulders like this. I would take a miracle. 

This all made me reevaluate my life. I love Jesus and camp and swimming. But it seems i put swimming before everything, even God. I think that if I did have to stop swimming and if i really never can go to the Olympics I'll be completely torn apart, but I'll survive. I don't like to think about that though. 

When I was little I had a swim coach who said right in front of me that he had absolutely nobody he could take to nationals. Nobody was good enough. I'm seconds away from those times he said I would never get near. So I'm not going to mope about it. I'm still going to try 10 times harder than the average bear. I hope that this is just a minor setback till I can get my priorities straight again.

Even if this blog is only ever read by me I'm going to try my hardest to keep it on some kind of schedule.